Heart Break Update

Heart Break update

Its been a while since I’ve written anything, I guess I was stuck in a funk and its affected me more than I had imagined. After leaving that job I found it hard to find work for about 2 months considering I had been accepted into the dental assisting program back home in CT. He and I both knew that me going to school would be for the best even if that means moving back home for a while. However, I had no idea it would turn out like this. I guess I should have seen it coming but there’s nothing I can do about it now so there’s no point in dwelling over it. We untimely just have different dreams for the future. He wants to be young wild and free, adventure and explore and there’s noting wrong with that.  Whereas I want roots, a family, a steady career and a home with someone who shares that same dreams as me. We had pushed this under the rug for a while but ultimately it could not be ignored any longer. We loved each other enough to let each other go, so that we can be happy. Its not right for me to ask him to give up his dreams or for him to ask that of me. Let’s look at it this way, if he were to give me kids, which he clearly does not want, he would be tide down and miserable and end up resenting me. On the other hand, if I had given up my dream to go travel but never have the family that I envision just to be with him, I would eventually resent him. It would not be fair to one another. As heart breaking as it is, we loved each other too much for that to happen. I understand that everything happened for a reason. I was given some advice recently by his mother who has been an incredible role model, she said “A very wise man once told me that people come in our life for a purpose for a time. We take everyone we meet and learn and grow with what they give us (good or bad)”. This spoke to me, because I do not regret the past, at one point in time he was exactly what I wanted and needed, I’m so thankful I had him during this part of my journey and that I have learned so much from all of this. He was my comfort zone, and I was happy because of him. This is not healthy. He once told me that there is no room for growth in our comfort zone, you’ve probably heard me say this before and it truly has become a motto of mine. I was not growing, I was stationary and comfortable, and now that I don’t have him or my comfort zone I can grow and learn from this. Amazing how a traumatic experience can change a person, it can be for the better or for the worse but its how we handle the situation. I’m so glad I surprised him in my resilience and my ability to show him I will be ok. His mom was right all along, she knew I was strong before I even did. I have both of them to thank for the lessons. …… so, for anyone else out there going though a tough time, please take a deep breath, put on some music, cry it out but when your done try not to cry again. I say this because now you have the strength to be better then you were. Also, don’t cry over someone who doesn’t want to make things work out with you, there not worth your tears. Hang out with your girlfriends, eat some carbs, go for a run, play with your pet and the world will keep turning. We will be okay. What we can make ourselves believe we can achieve and our thoughts will manifest into a reality. My reality is that I will go to school not to better US but to better MYSELF. So, I can be the best version of myself, and make my dreams come true. Make a plan, stick to it, be strong because I know you are.

To have kids or not to have kids… That is the question

In this generation I feel that most people from the ages or 20-30 are having less kids and they’re making that choice on their own. Wanna know why? Because dogs are a lot easier. But in all reality kids are expensive and a life long commitment. It’s not like they turn 18 and then you’re done, because let’s be real, that’s not how it works. The ages and stages of kids is so expensive. After doing a little research I found this amazing site that can individually calculate the cost of having a child. Curious, give it a try. https://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator

Let’s start from the very beginning.  Doctors appointments, unless you have really great insurance you can be paying boo-koo bucks to see a doctor every few weeks. After that 9 months is over come delivery, ouch. To both you and your pockets. But that bundle of joy will be worth it.  Crossing your fingers that a baby shower has provided you with enough essentials and more than enough diapers. Then come the terrible two’s, the traumatizing three’s and the fucking four’s. At least that’s what the parents at the daycare call the stages. Up until school age, kids would be in need of care. Would day care be the type of care that you’re looking for? Or would you be a stay at home parent possibly living off of one income? Maybe you have relatives that can help out. These are all things to consider. Keep in mind that infant programs tend to be the most expensive out of all the programs. (Toddler, preschool and after school) That brings us to the next stage in life, school age. At this point your little one is growing quick, that means a little more food, clothes that will fit for a few months, and transportation. All of these things will gradually go up in the years to come. All in all, you can be looking at anywhere from 9,000-13,000 per year. Every household is different with different incomes but its definitely something to consider when talking with your spouse about bringing a life into this world.

Besides all the money there are other things to consider as well. Ladies this is your body we’re talking about here. Having a child is a beautiful process and the after affects are nothing to be ashamed of! Many ladies develop stretch marks or hold on to a little bit of baby weight. But those stretch lines are more like tiger stripes showing how strong you are! Be proud! But keep in mind that your body will change, and guys, the same thing goes for you. Your woman is about to or is currently putting her body though an enormous process, give her a foot rub and tell her she’s beautiful because she is. A few months down the road, after the labor is over it’ll all be worth it. Try to catch up on some sleep beforehand because you will be waking up every few hours. This is something I have to keep in mind personally because I treasure my sleep more then anything. If you have a week stomach good luck changing those diapers or cleaning up a blow-out. If you don’t know what a blow out it, do not google it. Just ask a mom… teething is somewhat similar to a puppy, they will want to chew on everything, do not let them chew on everything. Sleep patterns will change and will feel more like a roller-coaster then anything else so buckle up. Nap time will be your best friend whether it’s cleaning the house, doing some work, eating a meal or taking a nap yourself. At school age that’s where things get interesting because it’s not just your kid any more its your kid interacting with the world and I gotta say it’s a weird place to be right now. Not every kid is nice, and your kids may even pick up on some not so desirable behaviors. Take a deep breath, these are going to be growing pain years. They will develop into their own personalities but to do that they need to experiment to find who they are. This is really hard for most parents. They want that sweet little baby back… (que baby #2) before you know it there’s a pre-teen living in your house, they eat everything and are always on the move. Get a good look at them now because teenagers are never home. Their calling card is an empty fridge. They may hang out with weird people and date even stranger people but that’s part of the process.  Da-ta-da-da Congratulations you now have an 18-year-old, a full adult. Just kidding they’re gonna live with you a little while longer. In today’s financial world it’s close to impossible for anyone that young to go out on their own, and if they do venture out be prepared to have them come home. Do not give their room to their younger sibling. If you’re going to help them go through college I hope you’ve been saving from the very beginning or they end up with a scholarship. Student debt is no joke.

We want to give our kids the best life possible, so think it over before bringing a life into the world. It’s natural for our maternal instincts to kick in and want to have babies. But this is something that needs to be thought about, over and over. Not only financially but emotionally, physically, and unselfishly.

Valentine’s Day Scavenger Hunt

Alright this one is for all you out there who dread Valentine’s Day!  Such a loving day should not come with any stress but some fun and enjoyment instead. With this being said, it’s sometimes hard to come up with that perfect something for our significant others. So, let’s get brainstorming.

This year particularly has been kind of tough on all of our wallets and I don’t think either one of us is gonna go all out, that doesn’t mean we aren’t gonna have a good time though.  Soooooo this Valentine’s Day I’m gonna send my boyfriend on a scavenger hunt! Now, we are both foodies and we tend to be pretty punny, sometimes a little bit too much, however I’m gonna take full advantage of that. For those of you who have not done a scavenger hunt its very simple, you give the person the first clue, they then proceed to search for the second one. Once they find the second clue it leads them to the third and so one and so forth. For my scavenger hunt I will be placing a punny treat with all of his next clues.

For example, each item will have a clue to where the next present or goodies are hidden. By the end of the hunt he will have had lots of yummy treats and a fun dinner to make together ending with a in home movie night. Yes, dinner and a movie, but with a twist!

  1. You’re all that and a bag of chips (His favorite chips in the pantry)
  2. We make the perfect pair or you knock my socks off! (Super warm work socks in his draw)
  3. You’re such a stud muffin (Local bakery’s muffin in the breakfast area)
  4. I’m totally nuts about you! (His favorite nuts in his lunch box)
  5. I won the lottery when I met you! $$$ (One or two lotto tickets in his wallet or jacket pocket)
  6. Out of all the fish in the sea I’m glad you chose me! (His favorite kind of goldfish, placed in a cabinet)
  7. Donut you know I love you a Hole bunch!?! Or I Donut know what I’d do without you! (His favorite donuts or donut holes hidden where ever you keep baked goods, we keep ours in the oven ((air tight-ish))
  8. You float my boat! (Root beer in fridge, ice cream in freezer)
  9. I just can’t reese- ist you (Reese’s peanut butter cups, hidden in my not so hidden chocolate stash…) and or..
  10. I love you to pieces. (Reese’s Pieces, again hidden in my not so hidden chocolate stash…)
  11. You make my heart pop! You butter stay in my life. 😉 (popcorn in the microwave)
  12. Action and adventure, they all sound fun, anime or comedy lets pic one! (Movies at home)
  13. Will you be my Valentine or is that too cheesy? (Pizza supplies set aside in the fridge)

With the last clue being wherever you choose, have a nice heart felt card to go along with your sweet activities.

I hope anyone who plans on having a scavenger hunt has as much fun as us. If anyone has any comments, suggestions or wants to share their experience please feel free to leave a comment below. 😊